The PM and the Banker


The MP and the banker were walking close at hand

They wept in happiness to see the systems work so grand

If this were messed about, they said, we’d cream it, if we planned.

If seven lords and seven profs studied it half a year

Do you suppose,’ the PM said, ‘They’d render it unclear?’

‘I’ll work it out,’ the banker said, and had another beer.

‘O voters, come and vote for us!’ the PM did beseech.

A pleasant talk, a voting slip, and you can hear my speech

We’ll start with all the smarter ones to indoctrinate – er – teach.

The eldest voter looked at him, but never said a word:

The eldest voter eyed him up as if he were absurd

Meaning he’d fallen for that one, and thought he was a turd

Four Middle-Englanders rushed up, all eager for the treat:

Their coats were brushed, their faces washed, their shoes were clean and neat —

And this was odd – they’d little cash to buy them on the street!

Four other voters followed them, and yet another four;

And thick and fast they came, (they read the Mail and Times, galore)

All hopping through the metal chairs and scrambling ‘cross the floor.

The PM and the banker span their web an hour or so,

Then stopped for wine and canapés (allowed expense – you know?)

And all the little voters stood and went without, below.

“The time has come,” the banker said, “for quantitative easing

You thought life would be easier, well… we were only teasing

It’s difficult, but pigs with wings won’t fly without some squeezing.”

“A second home,” the PM said, “is what we chiefly need:

Jobs for nobs and nepotism – very good indeed —

And somebody must pay for all this undisputed greed.”

“But please not us!” the voters cried, turning a little blue.

“After we gave you power, that’s a dismal thing to do!”

“The cash is mine,” the banker said. “But I’ll loan it back to you.

It was so kind of you to vote, and you are very nice!”

And the PM said nothing but “Cut us in on your price:

We’ll drop the rich’s tax to five percent, will that suffice?”

“It seems a shame,” the PM said, “to play them such a trick,

After we’ve tempted them with lies, and made them look so thick!”

The banker didn’t say a word but “Don’t be such a prick!”

“I weep for you,” the PM said: “It’s not because we won,

But rioting, protesting and striking is no fun

So bear with us, we’re doing what we knew when we begun.

We’re removing the disabled and the immigrants, (good riddance)

And keeping wages low so poor people get a pittance

This country will then work for us privileged, rich, white Britons.”

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