Soup for a Cold Evening


First peel two leeks from the bottom of fridge drawer
Choose two good sized potatoes, you won’t need any more.
An onion and cold water, 800 millilitres you will find,
oil, dried mixed herbs, seasoning, cream (if you’ve a mind)

This is the equipment that I found I had to use:
potato peeler, sharp knife, wooden spoon, tissues
saucepan, jug, food processor and, for small disasters,
nail clippers, nail file, TCP, first aid plasters

Acriflex, scrubbing brush, bucket, mop, kitchen roll,
floor and kitchen cleaning stuff, cleaning cloths, lump of coal
(Actually not the lump of coal, but I searched to get a rhyme.
It’s hard to be a poet, ‘cooking words’ that aren’t sublime.)

Method:

Peel and cut spuds into pan – smallish cubes will do.
Slice leek to circles, finger-width, into the saucepan, too.
Dab weeping, stinging eyes with tissues, call out “Blinkin’ strewth!”
Spoon out bits of fingernail, trim nails till they’re smooth.

Wash and dress cut fingers with fresh plaster and TCP.
Rinse residual blood and skin from veg that you can see.
Sprinkle mix herbs, salt and pepper on and add the water.
Use kitchen roll to wipe away the splashes – ‘cause you ought ta.

Heat the veg on high. Stir till it’s boiling. Cover.
Put on low. Mop spillage on the hob that’s boiled over.
Hold burnt hand under running water ‘til the pain subsides.
Apply a dab of Acriflex, don’t cry, you’re making strides!

Twenty minutes! Take the pan from heat. Stir. Leave to cool.
Scrub pan stain from the breadboard where you left it, silly fool!
Pour into jug, wipe splashes, set the food processor up:
Fine smoothie-style, or chunky ‘bit-of-rough-and-ready’ soup.

Food processor spinning wildly, pour the whole jug in.
Turn off before you clean it, making sure the plug’s not in.
Use cloths and kitchen cleaner, on the worktop, wall, and doors.
Using mop and bucket, mop the spillage from the floor.

All-purpose cloth or tea towel to wipe your clothes and shoes
and dry with sheets of kitchen roll, dispose of what you use.
Remove the soup container, place in fridge until it’s needed.
Dismantle into dishwasher, Not the electrics! Safety heeded!

When ready, take the jug, pour into mug, don’t fill.
Microwave four minutes, stir halfway or it’ll spill.
Swish a little double cream in, if desired say.
Sup your warming soup. Relax! It’s been a war today.

Al Barz

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