Just look at me now
I’m in such a bad state
Is it grounds for divorce?
Have I left it too late
To make up for this absence
Should I pray and sing hymns
To the god of strong drink
‘Cause we’ve run out of Pimms!

We’ve run out of Pimms
You can tell that I’m shocked
“Oh how terribly, frightfully
Awful!” you’ve mocked.
Yes there’s many lives crap
It’s a first-world complaint
We’ve got water on tap
But tasty… it ain’t

We’ve run out of Pimms
It’s a terrible shock.
When it’s getting near Wimbers
We usually stock up
With nibbles and crackers
And little toothpicks
For the pineapple chunks
And the Gouda on sticks

But we haven’t been out
Since COVID-19
So our hair is like haystacks
You know what I mean
If only I’d thought
Before lockdown appeared
When her hair was neat
And so, too, was my beard

We’ve run out of Pimms
So I donned my face mask
Down to the corner shop
They had a cask
Of unmentionable lager
(That goes without saying)
I stood there like Kali
Hands waving and preying

The woman at counter
Kept eyeing – suspicious
I heard my voice burst
So raucous, so vicious
“Where is the Pimms?” I growled
“Call this a shop?”
With a trembling voice
She cellphoned for a cop.

I flung in my car
With a permanent frown
Drove down to Sainsbury’s
Way out of town
There were tapes on the pavement
In yellow and black
And queuing went round
The whole building and back!
“We’ve run out of Pimms!”
The door guard – not impressed
He regarded me like
I’m improperly dressed
And the heat beating heavily
Made me feel grimsville
Has anyone there
Got a spare jug of Pimms?

We ran out of Pimms
She nearly had fits
And wielding that saucepan
Just gave me the shi-vers
It’s been sweltering hot
There was lead in her limbs
She’d have killed for a lemonade
Laced with iced Pimms

We’re all out of Pimms
I’ve just heard her arrive
She’s been to the shop
Her car’s pulled in the drive
I’m hoping she’s got some
I’m panicked with dread
Success and I’m okay
If not, then I’m dead


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